A couple of years ago, I started blogging about my food addiction and the impact that it has on my life. But just a few months after I started, someone decided that it would be fun to hack into my blog account and so I had to shut the site down. Unfortunately, I also lost all of the blog posts that I had created, so today I’m starting from scratch with a brand new site. The name is the same, but I’ve stripped out all of the “extra” stuff that doesn’t really matter and now I’m just going to write down my thoughts.
Maybe I should start with a quick update. Honestly, I don’t want to because it isn’t good. I started out at around 420 lbs. Within a year, I had lost nearly 125 lbs and was feeling great. But that’s when something odd happened. I quit.
It was like my mind totally gave up on my body and I started eating everything I could find. In the next year, I gained back every ounce that I had lost and now, I’m back to my old self…like nothing ever changed at all. And I really don’t like it. I can’t explain it, but my will power is entirely gone. I went from having total control to having no control. It wasn’t a gradual process, either. I can’t point to one event or one time that triggered the change. It just happened, and here I am. All of me.
So that’s where I am. I’m still fighting food addiction. Right now I’m losing, but I really want to win. I liked the skinny guy who I was for a little while. He wasn’t that much different than the current version of me, but he surely ached a lot less, and had a lot more energy. He was a lot more fun for his kids.
I guess this next chapter in my life is going to be about trying to find that guy again. Let’s call him skinny-me. If you have a skinny-you that you’re trying to find, come along. It would be nice to have some company for the trip.